The futile wait for «the right one»
What’s it that makes people not realize that waiting for «the right one» just precludes any possibility of finding him/her?
I have realized lots of people out there spend their days and nights waiting for the «right» person to come along. Endlessly complaining about life and bad luck. About not getting a break and after talking about friends and relationships with L’ix it hit us. Wanting something in your life can be the very same thing that keeps that thing away from you.
Let me elaborate:
One of the tenets of relationships is that they are completely unpredictable. This means that there is no way in the world you’re going to know you’ve met your perfect partner until a long time after you’ve met it. This is because what makes a partner perfect for you can’t be divined, it must be come as an epiphany of sorts, a realization, suddenly, that things are the way they should be. For this to happen you have to have a partner and for you to have a partner you must’ve let one come into your life already.
See, there is only one way to meet the right person, and that is by being open and letting people in your life. Being closed to new relationships, to avoid «failure» precludes, as well, any possible successful relationships. Try to find one person you remember as being successful with relationships and he/she will probably tell you that to find a right partner several failed attempts have been there, bad relationships and possibly pain have come and gone.
Several people in the past have said to me: What can I do to find the one? I have had awful relationships in the past, I have bad luck with men/women, I have been burned in the past and don’t want that to happen again.
Well, the big, ugly truth is that there is no one rule for relationships, but the closest I can find is a quote I once read, which supposedly is from Satchel Paige:
Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.
That one saying, and the second statement probably sum up the only advice I could give anyone waiting for the right person: You never know who it’ll be, so be open to options.
Go out, meet people, meet friends of your friends. Let yourself know other people and be unprepared for anything that happens (that’s correct, unprepared). Don’t expect anything from anyone you meet. Do not measure people up and dismiss and discard them outright because they don’t fill a specific expectation or pattern. Do not let the possible «other half» in your life pass you by just because you didn’t want to go out that day. Nothing must me as horribly ironic as having the perfect partner be missed because one was, precisely, waiting for him/her.
PS: Darn, this is probably one of the messiest compositions I have done in a while, but it’s hard to put in a secondary language something you can barely put in word in your native language, so bear with me.